


some like it hot

by mahadevi



Category: Gintama
Genre: Anal Sex, M/M, Minor Humiliation, Poorly Timed Dick Pics, Sexual exploration, Smut, Switching, ginhiji have sex and that's literally it, most of it isn't that hot tbh it's just sum fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 03:23:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21129950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mahadevi/pseuds/mahadevi
Summary: And that’s where it starts, on that futon in the middle of the night, with Gintoki’s lips brushing against his ear. And inevitably, like most things in Toshirou’s miserable existence, it spirals into a complete and utter mess.Or; Sex Isn't Always That Incredible And Anyone Who Tells You Otherwise Is A Virgin





	some like it hot

There’s an Almost First Time before the actual first time.

Toshirou, looking for nothing more than some sake and some silence, walks into his regular bar with hopes and dreams. They are instantly crushed by the sight of Sakata Gintoki, professional bastard, sitting in Toshirou’s spot. They fall into the usual routine, bickering and snarking and snarling and fighting. But this time, before they can throw hands, before they can draw swords, before they can cause a public disturbance and get themselves removed from the premises, the bartender interjects.

Wordlessly, he slides a bottle over to them. Tells them that it’s his most expensive one. That they can have it, for _free,_ if they both did him a favour and got along for one night.

By his third glass, when Toshirou’s not actively hating his guts, the Yorozuya’s not all that bad. He’s… pretty alright, actually. By his fifth glass Toshirou would even go so far to say that he’s tolerable. Around glass number eight, he’s hit by the horrific realization that he enjoys Gintoki’s presence.

Somewhere between glasses nine and eleven, Toshirou decides that he wants to stick his tongue down Gintoki’s throat.

Following the final, triumphant glass number thirteen, Toshirou drags Gintoki out back and does exactly that.

Gintoki moans like he’s dying, like Toshirou’s a salve applied to a festering wound. He kisses like he fights, his tongue his sword, loose and wild and with no finesse but it _destroys_ Toshirou, completely and utterly and entirely.

There’s tongues and teeth and hands and heat and the rush of lights and the roar of blood and the sound of laughter and life being pressed into each others lips as they kiss their way back to the yorozuya’s place. Tripping and tumbling up the stairs, staggering over the threshold before finally, _finally_ landing on top of a futon.

“Bastard.” Gintoki hisses like a prayer. “You stupid, sexy, bastard.” And then his hands are on Toshirou’s hips and his smile is searing its mark on Toshirou’s throat. He feels like paper held to a lighter, crumbling into ash as flame licks its way across his surface until it swallows him whole.

“Wait.” Toshirou finds himself saying, when Gintoki’s mouth starts to move lower and lower and lower. “W-wait, hold on.”

Gintoki pauses, hands just brushing the edges of his yukata, lips just brushing the edges of his nipple. A full shudder shakes its way through Toshirou’s body, one that is weighted and full and has his cock stirring in his pants. But still, _still,_ he manages to find the words to say “not now.”

Gintoki blinks. “Okay.” He says, simply, easily, and moves back up to press a close-mouthed kiss to Toshirou’s jaw. “We’re pretty wasted anyways.”

Toshirou hums, leaning into the touch. “Yeah, ’s why I wanted to stop.” Cards a hand through Gintoki’s locks, cups his jaw, looks into his stupid red eyes. “Wanted to actually savour it, y’know?”

Shit.

_Shit._

Gintoki gapes. “You—“

Toshirou throws him off. _”Good night!”_ He shouts, rolling over and shoving his face in a pillow. He begins snoring loudly.

“Hey, wait. Wait, the fuck? That’s my bed you son of a bitch, get back here and face me like a man!”

“Shut up, some of us are trying to sleep you fucking asshole!”

“Oh like _hell_ you’re pulling that on me you damn tax thief, I’ll kill you—“

The door slams open. “Can you guys shut _UP?”_ Kagura screams. 

Eventually, _eventually_ they fall asleep. Next to each other, on the same futon, not close enough to be nestled in each other’s arms, but close enough to feel each other’s breath. And that’s where it starts, on that futon in the middle of the night, with Gintoki’s lips brushing against his ear. And inevitably, like most things in Toshirou’s miserable existence, it spirals into a complete and utter mess.

✷

Toshirou thinks about Gintoki’s dick like. _All_ the time.

He was that close to seeing it. _That_ close. And not the way it is in the baths or in those strangely unfortunate and exhibitionist situations they always seem to end up in. Hard and wet and full. Perfect. Exciting. He had felt it, pressed against the folds of his clothes, straining against the fabric. He got a good sense for the width, the length, the weight. Fuck, he needed that stupid dick of his in his mouth like, _yesterday._

“Oi, bastard, stop thinking about your mayo and get over here.” Sougo calls from across the crime scene, and Toshirou has a horrifying moment where he realizes that he’s drooling.

“R-right!” He stammers, silently beating up the horny bastard part of his brain into a bloody pulp. Jesus Christ, he’s at a crime scene. There’s like, three dead bodies. But still, fucking even still, it’s taking a conscious effort to not pop a massive fuckin’ woodie right now. 

Fuck. 

Shit. 

Alarming everyone in a five metre radius, he slaps his palms against his cheeks as hard as he can. _Focus_ Toshirou, you worthless cockslut.

For a while, he does. He gathers evidence. He talks to witnesses. He avoids Sougo’s fourth assassination attempt for that day. He sends out a search party. Reports to the higher ups. Gathers everyone for an on scene debriefing. He gets some work done, proper and effective and efficient.

_Bzzt._ A text. Kondo-san, probably, checking in to see how they’re doing. Toshirou looks away from the detective, fishes his phone out of his pocket, and checks his messages. He’s greeted with the sight of Sakata Gintoki’s cock. 

Cool. Toshirou puts his phone away.

Wait.

_Wait._

Palms sweating, Toshirou fumbles as he whips his phone out. Nope, not a hallucination. That’s real. That’s. That’s fuckin’ real huh. That’s his dick. That’s his dick, right there. Did Yorozuya always have a phone? Did he get a phone, to take a picture of his dick to send to Toshirou? Did he buy a phone for a dick pic? What the fuck? That’s. That’s his dick?

“Huh.” Sougo says from behind him, far too close for comfort. “Didn’t think the boss would curve left.”

The phone flies up. Toshirou thumbs the hilt of his sword. In a graceful arc, like a dance, like a song, like a work of art, he swings. _Slice._ The sword comes back down in two perfect halves.

“Pack it up!” Toshirou snaps to his men. They jump to attention, salute and agree. Toshirou whirls around as authoritatively as he can, and storms off. To the bathroom. Where he furiously jerks off.

Fuck. Jesus. Shit. He’s still at a crime scene. God, fuck!

✷

“Is it in?”

“Jesus, not yet. Calm down.”

“You’re taking forever.”

“And you’re impatient. Let me get ready. Condoms are tricky, y’know.”

“Hah, please. Condoms are easy. Unless…”

“Do _not.”_

“It’s been a while since you’ve used one?”

“Okay, _listen._ I am a single father. I work day in and day out to provide for my young ones. Do you see how much Kagura eats? Do you know how long I have to work to put enough food on the table to satisfy her black whole of a stomach? I work my ass off to be the breadwinner, so excuse me if I don’t have the cushy government job lifestyle where I can go around fuckin’ people left and right you son of a bitch.”

“Please don’t talk about China right now. I’m begging you.”

“That’s what you get you bastard.”

“Can you just shut up and put your dick in my ass?”

“Easy, easy Tosshi! Work with me here, first you gotta check for any breaks in the packaging—“

_”You still haven’t gotten it out of the wrapper?!”_

“Nah, just fuckin’ with you. Well, here I go!”

“Wha— ngh!”

“Woah, you’re tight Hijikata-san. Been a while, huh?”

“Nn, bastard— ah!”

“Oh, are you feeling it? It’s not even all the wa— _ow.”_

“Slow down you shithead, that hurts!”

“Ah… sorry.”

“…it’s fine.”

“…I’m gonna move now.”

“…okay.”

(It takes a while, but eventually, it’s not half bad.)

✷

Gintoki is so _loud._

He’s got his hands twisted in the sheets, his back arched like a bow string, his blush high on his face. He’s beautiful. He’s radiant. He’s a god damn masterpiece.

But he doesn’t. Shut. Up.

“Fuck!” He cries, eyes glassy. “God, just like that Hijikata. F-Fuck, right there, holy shit! C’mon, fuck me you bastard, harder, harder—“

Someone slams on the wall next to them. They’re in a _love hotel._

“Keep it down!” Toshirou hisses. God, his hips are tired.

Gintoki grins, wicked and sharp. “Make me.” He sneers.

“That’s, not how, _nnh,_ it works.” Toshirou grits out, holding onto Gintoki’s hips tighter and tighter until he’s certain it’ll bruise.

Much to his surprise, Gintoki is absolutely silent when he cums.

✷

“I don’t mind teeth.” Gintoki had said casually.

Toshirou uses his teeth. 

“HOLY _FUCK—“_

Ah. Not that much teeth.

✷

“For someone being handcuffed, you look really excited.” Toshirou says with no small amount of caution. In response, Gintoki’s grin grows wider. “Stop it. What’re you doing? You really look like a pervert you know.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Gintoki says. His smile is so wide that it just might split his face in two. “You alright Mayora, are you seeing things? This is a poker-perfect face I’ve got on right here. I’ve just gone all in and you’re about to call even though I only have two jokers and a draw four. Lady Gaga wants what I’ve got.”

“Keep running your mouth and I’ll gag you too.”

Gintoki waggles his eyebrows.

Toshriou’s a stupid fucking fool and kisses him on the mouth. 

And then he gags him, because why the hell not.

✷

Toshirou’s mouth hangs open. “You are not putting that _anywhere_ near my ass.” He splutters.

Gintoki pouts. Bam, perfect puppy dog. “C’mon.” He sighs. “Just one time?”

“No way in hell.”

“It’ll be fun!”

“Of course it sounds fun to you, you're not the one putting eggs in your ass!”

✷

Toshirou’s aware that he’s dating a moron. It’s a reality that he’s accepted long ago. However, it still doesn’t prepare him for the outright bafflement that comes from the dual sensations of fingers pressing against his prostate and a voice casually asking “so what’re your thoughts on humiliation?”

God fucking damn it, he can _hear_ the smirk in that smug perm-headed asshole’s voice, but even the greatest amount of fury can’t stop the natural instinct to writhe and moan.

Gintoki just hums. “Yeah, that’s what I was thinking too.” He says idly, spreading his fingers and making Toshirou’s thighs shake.

He manages to grab Gintoki’s wrist before the fucker goes ham on his prostate like a dumb kid at an arcade. “Can we please have this conversation when we’re not about to fuck?” He hisses, fully aware that his tomato-red face does nothing to help his argument. Gintoki’s face does a stupid little melty thing and he presses three soft kisses to Toshirou’s mouth. He begrudgingly enjoys them.

“You’re cute.” Gintoki mumbles, nipping Toshirou’s jaw. “Babe, humiliation _is_ a sex thing.”

“I knew that!” Toshirou snaps back, only half lying. Like, yeah it was a sex thing but like a joking one. No one’s actually into being… being _degraded_ like that, are they?

Gintoki’s lips quirk up, and he begins lazily pumping his fingers in and out, and Toshirou can’t stop the full body shudder that runs through him. “Just wondering if it’s something you’d like.”

“Do I look like someone who enjoys looking like a fool?”

“I mean, you willingly spend time with that sadistic captain of yours, so—“

“Do _not_ talk about Sougo while your fingers are in my ass you fucking barbarian.” Toshirou spits, and Gintoki his the audacity to snort and then give him a hickey.

They don’t talk much after that. They just kiss and sigh and groan and move, with and against and into one another. Toshirou feels the tension bleed from his shoulders, feels the fog settle into his head, and the last thing Gintoki needs is a bigger ego but Toshirou lives for these moment. Lives for the way that Gintoki washes over him like the tide, taking him under.

Naturally, Gintoki ruins it almost immediately, breaking the silence yet again to ask “Okay, but hypothetically if I _were_ to—“

Toshirou slams a hand into his stupid face, ignoring Gintoki’s smushed protests. “For fuck’s sake.” He grumbles. “If you want to so badly, sure, try.”

It’s like he offered the man an entire bakery’s worth of cake. “Really?”

Toshirou can’t help the flush. “Why the fuck not.” He sighs. “Stop if I say otaku.”

“Of course.” Gintoki says.

“Right.”

Then Gintoki just. Stops moving his hand. And stares at him.

Toshirou stares back. Stares until he grows cross eyed. Stares until his eyes water. Stares until the flush climbs his neck and engulfs his face and he splutters out an indignant and defensive _”What.”_

“Y’know.” Gintoki starts, the blank look on his face twisting into a leer. “I never thought you’d be such a slut, Hijikata-san.”

His jaw drops. “What?”

“You carry yourself with such dignity. So strict, so stern, so proud.” Gintoki says, curling his fingers in a way that makes Toshirou’s entire body tremble. “Demon vice-commander, feared and respected by all… what would his men say if they saw him like this?”

Shame burns amidst the arousal, but that only makes the fire in his gut burn hotter. “D-don’t—“ Toshirou chokes out, hating the way his cock throbs at the words. 

Gintoki smiles, far too sweet, far too kind. He leans down, licks a stripe up Toshriou’s jaw. He nips at his ear, and Toshirou can feel his teeth against his skin when he says _“Whore.”_

And then he crooks his fingers just right and Toshirou’s entire body goes taught. He bites down just hard enough and Toushirou’s mind goes blank. He presses just hard enough, pulls just taught enough, and Toushirou unravels in Gintoki’s hand.

Cum cooling on his chest, sweat dripping down his back, drool smeared over his chin, Toushirou laughs breathlessly. “The fuck?” He pants.

Gintoki, as smug and as irritating as always, grins ear to ear. “Told you.” He says, before proceeding to jack off over Toshirou’s face. He gets away with it this time, only because Toshirou’s limbs are too weak to push him away.

✷

“How come you don’t smoke after sex?”

Toshirou drops the condom in the waste basket and looks up. Gintoki, spread across the futon, still sweaty and naked and gross, looks back. He’s glowing, Toshirou notices with no small amount of satisfaction.

“Dunno.” He says. Nudges Gintoki with his foot, lays down right next to him. “Don’t feel like it.”

“Damn.” Gintoki winces as he moves, but settles into the crook of Toshirou’s shoulder. “Sucks.”

“What.”

“It’d be sexy, y’know? Picture perfect. You, lounging in an open yukata, cigarette between your lips…” Gintoki stares expectantly up at him.

Toshirou stares back. “That’s Takasugi.” He says. “You literally described Takasugi.”

The horror that twists his face is something that Toshirou will treasure _forever._

✷

A hand cups his cheek. Toshirou blinks away the tears, looking up with bleary eyes. Fuck, he feels gross, bangs stuck to his forehead with sweat, mouth smeared with drool. His body aches, burns, throbs.

Gintoki looks down. “Hey.” He says, and then kisses him.

Toshirou kisses back.

The tide pulling in. The moon waxing new. The trees turning gold.

They lose themselves, again and again and again.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written smut in forever and I wanted to flex that muscle. Also dynamic exploration through smut is really fun. Also????? Ginhiji just SLAPS.
> 
> [my twitter ](https://twitter.com/KAMONORITOSHI) if u wanna follow it!!


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